If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
40s are totally the cure
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
