I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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