She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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