He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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