Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
