Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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