you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
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I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
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I think I sprained my soul last night
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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