I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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