you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
