every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
