man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
