Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
