i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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