batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
