My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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