I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
