my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
