Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
