Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My vagina is officially offended.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
