Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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