today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
