you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
