if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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