so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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