It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
