I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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