This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
