Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
