She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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