where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
