I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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