when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
