BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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