i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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