How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize