grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
