Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
