Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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