Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
