explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
