that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
