VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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