Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
