Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
And then my night got REAL pukey
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
