There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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