I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
