Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
then he tried to convert me to islam
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
