I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
