that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
