oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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