Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
