party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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