My Higher Power is John Stamos
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.