I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.