I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
