And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
