feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
