well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
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I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
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I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.