Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
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I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
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You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.