How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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