we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
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I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
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I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds