3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
