i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
