Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
its liver damage thursday
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
