i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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