I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
