You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
