So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
