So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
