you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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