Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
