hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
