tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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