After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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