We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
