Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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