I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize