you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
