3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
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Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
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YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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