I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
