Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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