just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You smell like stripper and shame
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
