Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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