The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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