On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
where are my eyebrows?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
