my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I will be naked everywhere
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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