don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
is wine microwaveable?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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