I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
