i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
