She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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