It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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