Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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