All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
