sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
