life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
